Sir Ian McKellen admits regret over not coming out to his dad before he died

Sir Ian McKellen (Image: Alan Chapman/Dave Benett/WireImage via Getty Images)

Sir Ian McKellen has said one of his few life regrets is not coming out to his father before he died, after rereading a loving 21st birthday letter from him.

In a clip of Tea with Judi Dench, as reported by Attitude, McKellen said he had been looking back through letters from his father, Denis Murray McKellen, and read one the night before recording the programme.

“I was at university, not living at home anymore. He was only saying he loved me and I’d done well and he’d always be looking out for me, I think,” McKellen said, during the conversation filmed at Dame Judi Dench’s Surrey home.

He added that, at the time, he already understood his sexuality and “knew [he] was gay at 21”. “It was the biggest thing in my life, really, the discovery of acceptance of that,” he said.

“One of the first persons I should have talked to about it would have been Dad. But I didn’t,” McKellen continued. Reflecting on the letter, he said: “He’s sending me this letter full of love. And I wonder, looking back, was he saying, is there anything you want to talk to me about?”

McKellen described hiding his sexuality from his family as “a waste of time”, adding: “I have few regrets in my life, but that’s one of them.”

Family loss and coming out

McKellen’s mother, Margery, died of breast cancer in June 1952, when he was just 12. His father Denis later died in October 1964.

The X-Men actor came out publicly in January 1988 when he was 48, as part of a live BBC Radio debate about Section 28.

He recalled coming out to his sister Jean, saying: “Her first reaction was, ‘Oh, Ian, I’ve known that for ages, and I’ve never wanted to talk to you about it because I thought you didn’t want to.’”

Tea with Judi Dench will air on 31 August on Sky Arts, Freeview, and NOW.

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