Selena Gomez Says She Spent Years Contemplating Suicide

“After I got out of the last treatment center, I knew what made me happy,” Selena explains, “and it was connection.” 

But, per her doctor’s orders, Selena’s planned philanthropic visit to Kenya to see the schools she helped raise money to build was delayed several years due to her 2017 kidney transplant. Once she’s finally apple to make the trip in 2019, she vowed to visit quarterly

“The truth is I’ve never felt good enough,” Selena admitted. “Even when I’m on stage in front of a crowd, I’ll always find the one person who doesn’t like me and I believe them, I want to believe in myself. The people I’ve met here in Kenya are so giving, I just want to feel like I deserve to be here with them.”

During her time in Maasai Mara, Selena bonds with the students, talking about love, ambition and, in a particularly emotional conversation with one woman, suicidal ideation.

After her time in Kenya, Selena travels directly to London and Paris to promote her music, but she struggles to adjust to her life as a celebrity. “It just seems like such a waste of time,” she said. “What am I doing right now?”

Later acknowledging that “part of my heart is still in Kenya,” Selena admitted, “I felt guilty being there sometimes. I hate that, I feel like I went and filmed and I experienced, but it’s just so hard because I feel so selfish. Do I feel great? Yes, and do I feel like I left an impact? Yes, but do I feel like I’ve done enough? No.”

“Talking to someone about mental health in Kenya, that’s beautiful,” she continued. “I don’t know if I felt like, ‘Oh, I did it and I’m such a great person.’ No, it’s just the beginning for me.”