Tory-themed condoms are coming this Autumn. (Getty Images)
“Strong & Stable”. “Honourable Member”. These are just two of the slogans you’ll find on the LGBT+ Conservatives’ limited-edition condoms and dental dams.
The line is named “Never kissed a Tory but I’ve had safe sex with one”, and the LGBT+ Conservatives say the condoms will help people have Priti safe sex at the Conservative Party Conference 2022 in October, where they’ll be launched.
Other slogans on the condoms’ packaging will include “Labour isn’t working but this condom will (*99 per cent of the time)” and “Unleash Britain’s Potential”.
Some are even personalised for openly LGBTQ+ Tory politicians who rose up for the occasion to support the initiative.
‘Strap it for Sambrook’
Queer Tories can sheath up with Birmingham Northfield MP Gary Sambrook’s “Strap it for Sambrook”, Darlington MP Peter Gibson’s “Glove it for Gibbo” and London Assembly member Emma Best’s “Ban for Best”.
If those don’t take their fancy, people can also throw their weight behind London Assembly chair Andrew Boff “Boff it Up” and London Assembly member for Hounslow, Richmond and Kingston Nick Roger’s “Roger for Nick”. Yes, really.
Former health secretary Matt Hancock and Wellingborough MP Peter Bone, sadly, do not have their own namesake condom.
“Party members’ hormones are in full bloom, with the taste of liberalism on their lips, and capitalism in their hips. They are ready to create the next generation of Brexiteers and Liberalism enthusiasts in the microclimate of Conservative Party Conference,” the LGBT+ Conservative said.
“With the smell of STIs and unwanted pregnancies in the air, one group is tackling the conference sex drive head-on, with their unique, patriotic approach to safe sex.”
Those who want to get their hands on the condoms free of charge can grab them at LGBT+ Conservatives’ “Queeries Bar” in the main conference hall of the Birmingham ICC, said chair Elena Rose Bunbury.
The Conservative Party and LGBTQ+ rights
When it comes to LGBTQ+ rights, some of the climaxes of Boris Johnson’s premiership have included scrapping life-saving reforms to the Gender Recognition Act and excluding trans people from a conversion therapy ban.
And both his possible successors seem poised to continue this.
Neither Rishi Sunak nor Liz Truss is looking to improve trans rights, instead, both have campaigned with a focus on anti-trans policies.
Truss has promised to crack down on “dehumanising identity policies”, reflecting her history as equalities minister of doing little to support trans people. She also said she will do everything in her power as prime minister to “protect single-sex spaces” from trans women.