Jana Kramer Almost Changed Her Mind Before Divorcing Mike Caussin

In the weeks that have elapsed since Jana Kramer first announced that she was filing for divorce from Mike Caussin, her husband of six years, she’s chronicled every step of her journey on her Whine Down podcast, a platform that she and Caussin had previously used to share their story and the ups and downs their marriage has faced over the years.

Now, in a new installment of the podcast, Kramer recalls the night that Caussin was served with divorce papers, and how she nearly called off their split there and then. She felt like an addict separated from her drug of choice, the singer says.

At the time, Caussin had been out of the family house for several days, but he’d returned in order to put the kids to bed. Afterwards, an independent party served him with divorce papers while Kramer was shut off in the bedroom, crying.

“I wanted him so badly to come in that room,” she recounts (quote via E! Online). “And hold me and love me and tell me he’s sorry and give me that hit because I needed it so bad.”

At the time, she admits, she regretted even making the decision to start the divorce process. “All I wanted to do, honestly, in that moment, was to run out and say, ‘Never mind, never mind, never mind. Guy, go away. Mike, come here,'” Kramer explains, adding that she knew that once the papers were signed, there would be no going back for the couple.

“That was the addict in me being like, ‘The second he gets those papers, it’s done, and I can’t go back to that person anymore’ … Whenever I filed, I was done. I can’t go back from that. How can you?” she goes on to say. “I was very careful in never actually filing [before that day].”

Kramer worked through her feelings of panic, and after the couple officially signed their divorce papers, she’s found freedom in the aftermath. In late May, Kramer commemorated the sixth anniversary of her marriage with a message of optimism, saying that the “weight has been lifted” and she was “not looking back.”